White House uses humor to kill 'Death Star' petition

Jan 13, 2013

With the US national debt standing at more than $16 trillion, the White House says it absolutely cannot spend $850 quadrillion on a "Star Wars"-inspired "Death Star" super-weapon.

Sensing a chance to show off its lighter side, the Obama administration paid tribute to legions of "Star Wars" fans with its playful rejection of the "Death Star" proposal submitted on its "We the People" petitions website.

"The administration does not support blowing up planets," wrote Paul Shawcross, an adviser on science and space to President , rebuffing the request to secure funding and start building a "Death Star" by 2016.

"The administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon," he said in a posting headlined: "This isn't the petition response you're looking for."

The had passed the 25,000 signatures needed to secure a response. The same website was used to try and deport British chat show host Piers Morgan over his criticism of US gun laws.

A plan to create the moon-sized super-weapon capable of destroying a planet with one would likely cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000, Shawcross noted.

"We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it," he said.

Shawcross, the head of the science and space branch at the Office of Management and Budget, also joked that the Death Star, itself destroyed in "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope," would be a bad investment.

"Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?" he quipped.

Though he concedes "the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs," as "Star Wars" smuggler Han Solo claimed his Millennium Falcon had done, Shawcross boasts of other US exploits in space.

"We've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun," he wrote.

"We are living in the future! Enjoy it."

The statement ends with yet another nod to devoted fans of the "" films: "Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force."

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Jeweller
1 / 5 (3) Jan 13, 2013
Was that a chapter from the book A Hitch hikers Guide to the Galaxy ?
frajo
2.8 / 5 (8) Jan 13, 2013
"the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs"
A parsec is a measure of distance, not of time.
Valentiinro
3.5 / 5 (8) Jan 13, 2013
"the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs"
A parsec is a measure of distance, not of time.


It doesn't matter in this case. The impressiveness of a short Kessel run is about shortcuts and cutting it close to hazards in the area as opposed to the safe path which is 18 parsecs.
gopher65
4 / 5 (8) Jan 13, 2013
"the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs"
A parsec is a measure of distance, not of time.


It doesn't matter in this case. The impressiveness of a short Kessel run is about shortcuts and cutting it close to hazards in the area as opposed to the safe path which is 18 parsecs.

Or so the retcon goes, yes. The reality of the situation is that Lucas didn't know what a parsec was and he biffed the writing of that line because of his ignorance.

But that doesn't change the fact that that's a darned fine retcon, haha. I especially like the version with the blackholes and pulsars where they warp space so severely that any given similar path takes you significantly different distances. Oh if only Lucas were smart enough to have thought that up in the first place. *sighs wistfully*
frajo
4.2 / 5 (5) Jan 13, 2013
Thanks to all for correcting my remark. I didn't know what "Kessel run" means, I don't know "Star Wars", so I better should have stayed quiet. :)
There is just one open question: Is it linguistically correct to say "he did the run in less than {some distance}" instead of "he needed only {some distance} for the run"?
Anda
1.8 / 5 (5) Jan 13, 2013
Ok. One doesn't know star wars and the other one thinks that Lucas isn't smart enough... Hey Genius, try warping space to do the travel in less than 12 parsecs.
Comments level always increasing.
GSwift7
4.5 / 5 (11) Jan 13, 2013
This isn't the petition response you're looking for


beautiful. truely beautiful.

...Meanwhile, at DARPA, a top top secret project proposal goes out to selected bidders for feasibility study.

Actually, I think he's hinting here that they ARE working on a jedi training school:

Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force


That's an official statement from the Administration. :)

lol, ever seen how much Engela Murchel (spelling?) looks like Palpatine?
dabbler
1.9 / 5 (10) Jan 13, 2013
Can't believe the White House and the Wannabe Emperor of the USA OBUMMER weren't all in for this as the administration's platform and past four years in office have all been about wasting as much money and time as possible on a bunch of completely useless SH*T while trying to suppress liberty and freedom anyway!!! What better way to dominate the masses and cinch?/clinch? your rule than with your own personal doomsday machine???
Osiris1
1 / 5 (2) Jan 14, 2013
The darned thing may have another use, as a space colony ship. The real 'death star' would be a fearsome and maybe unwelcome beasty into some planetary system not our own. Their taxpayers would then have to pay to built a counter death star of their own. A colony ship 'star' would still have to have the subspace drive necessary to shrink space in front and expand space in back..to get to new planets just like the 'death star' would have. Only our colony star could in the end pay its way. What would we call something that could move humans, millions at a time, to new worlds hundreds of light years away in less than a couple of months, and return for another load. And think of the cargo it could haul to support the new colonies. Many would never want for new homes into which to grow our species. And on long voyages, its passengers and cargo would be safe behind yards of shielding, well fed, and warm.
TheGhostofOtto1923
1.4 / 5 (18) Jan 14, 2013
Just keep in mind mr Obama that if we don't build it, someone else WILL and they will use it against us.
TopherTO
3.3 / 5 (3) Jan 14, 2013
Just keep in mind mr Obama that if we don't build it, someone else WILL and they will use it against us.


Don't start with the anti-America boogie man crap.
antialias_physorg
4.6 / 5 (5) Jan 14, 2013
Just keep in mind mr Obama that if we don't build it, someone else WILL and they will use it against us.

You mean another nation will build it to blow up Earth? Which they themselves are on?
C'mon - nobody is that stupid (and the only nation stupid enough to do it has, luckily, declined to build it)
be4r
1 / 5 (3) Jan 14, 2013
I would contend that North Korea would try to do it. Although now that old Kimmie kicked it, maybe not.
Steven_Anderson
2.6 / 5 (5) Jan 14, 2013
It would be interesting to determine the amount of energy required to build it. How many coal plants would we need to build in order to build it? Perhaps it would solve the climate problem by asphyxiating the entire planet.
TheGhostofOtto1923
1.2 / 5 (18) Jan 14, 2013
Just keep in mind mr Obama that if we don't build it, someone else WILL and they will use it against us.

You mean another nation will build it to blow up Earth? Which they themselves are on?
C'mon - nobody is that stupid (and the only nation stupid enough to do it has, luckily, declined to build it)
You obviously did not consider this possibility
http://www.youtub...4yATniS4

Leider so.
Neinsense99
1.8 / 5 (5) Jan 14, 2013
"How many coal plants would we need to build in order to build it? Perhaps it would solve the climate problem by asphyxiating the entire planet."

That would obscure Governor Tarkin' foul stench, wouldn't it?
RitchieGuy01
1 / 5 (5) Jan 14, 2013
Just keep in mind mr Obama that if we don't build it, someone else WILL and they will use it against us.

You mean another nation will build it to blow up Earth? Which they themselves are on?
C'mon - nobody is that stupid (and the only nation stupid enough to do it has, luckily, declined to build it)
You obviously did not consider this possibility
http://www.youtub...4yATniS4

Leider so.
TheGhostofOtto1923

I keep tellin U Tards here in Otto's physorg that he is so much smarter than U and y'all STILL keep on challenging everything he knows. Otto just loves to play with y'all cuz it makes him feel soooooo good. Almost as good as he made ME feel when we were together in our motel room all those nites
Otto darling. . . .please please call me. I miss our suck suck and kiss kiss. Same sex marriage will be everywhere soon and we can even be married in the National Cathedral.

Don't U want me again, Otto?

VendicarD
3 / 5 (4) Jan 15, 2013
Has RitchieGuy finally come out of the closet?

Do his parents know?
RitchieGuy01
1 / 5 (3) Jan 15, 2013
Yes I did. TheGhostofOtto1923 - FrankHerbert is a homosexual also who refuses to come out to everyone in his physorg and Otto pretends to be straight but is really str8. Str8 is different from straight, U know that, Scott Nudds. Otto and I were lovers for many months after we met offline, but he fears coming out and tries to act like he is not a racist even tho he has said the word "spearchucker" which, as U know, is old American slang for a black man/African. Otto/Frank also said the word "nigger" a lot while we were together. I wasn't banned. I just got tired of my lover man telling lies in physorg.
I think that Otto won't come out also because he wants to keep everyone's respect for his knowledge of everything. He even claimed to know way more than Vendicar_Decarian and antialias. Otto told me that personally when we were together in bed. Otto/Frank called me and asked me to stop revealing what we did together. I did not understand why Otto is so paranoid about being gay.
TheGhostofOtto1923
1.3 / 5 (14) Jan 15, 2013
Sorry little slimeball

Spear chucker or Spearchucker can refer to:
1 An ethnic slur for people with African ancestry
2 Spearchucker Jones, a character from the movie MASH and the television show.
3 Atlatl, the spear-thrower

-I was obviously referring to #3.

Ritchieguy is the turd who got hisself banned for posting gay porn links. Isnt that right esai?